Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Ten Years

Hi Daddy!

Has it really been 10 years?? Ten years since God took you home? It's so hard to believe it has been that long. But then, if I'm honest, so much life has happened it is kind of hard to believe it has been only 10 years.

I can't help but wonder what you would think of me, of my life, if you were still here. I like to think you are looking down on me at least from time to time. But what would you say, what would you think, if you were still here with us?

To say I gave you a difficult few years before you passed would be putting it mildly. I imagine many of my decisions aged you and Mama quite a bit. And for that I'm sorry. If I could go back...well actually, no, I don't, I can't live with regret - even for my worst choices. Only because now I see how God can and has worked even the worst of things for good in my life and He certainly is not done with me yet. But I am truly sorry I caused you and Mama so much hurt back then.

As sorry as I am, I am equally as happy that you were alive long enough to see my life take a turn for the better before you passed away. I have a good life, a great life, a blessed life - the life I think you would have wanted for me. I am  thankful you met and got to know at least a little the man I would marry. I am grateful you were able to give us your blessing - just three short months before you were gone. While I will always be saddened you were not able to walk me down the aisle, I will always hold on to the knowledge we had your blessing.

Ed is a good man. Reminds me of you in some ways. He is one of the hardest working people I know, very responsible, serious and committed to his job. He doesn't do it for praise or acknowledgement but for our family. There is nothing he would not do for us. In that way he reminds me of you.

Oh how I wished my girls could have known you. You would have loved them and spoiled them rotten for certain! I love that while they have never met you and have no memories of their own of you, they still talk about you. The girls are well aware they have a Poppy in heaven watching over them. Though they never heard you say it, they both know what it means to "give me a smell". (For any non-family members who might happen to be reading this, that is the way my daddy asked for a kiss!) From time to time, one of the girls will say "I wish I could have met Poppy." The only response I can ever get out is "So do I, honey, so do I."

Ten years. Time and life goes by so quickly. I miss you. Miss you more than words can express. And I suppose that feeling will never go away. I think of you often. I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way but while I think of you often, I try not to spend too much time at any one time thinking about you because even after ten years the feeling of loss is still so fresh in my heart. Writing this was done through many tears.

I think - I hope - you would be so proud of all of us. You are dearly loved and sincerely missed. And maybe if I could change one little thing I would tell you face to face just one more time "Daddy, I love you!"


Jayne said...

I love you, sweetie.

Casey said...

That is so touching.